tell your sister to shave her snatch
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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