4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
