There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
