Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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