god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
