dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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