It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize