i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
