Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
