I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
