you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
