OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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