Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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