my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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