I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
