my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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