I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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