Kiss
Puke
I smell stomach acid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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