You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
