This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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