I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
