Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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