ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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