mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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