You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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