i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
