Your face is a jimmy john
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
