now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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