Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We had to coat check the pizza.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
