I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
