Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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