i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
