Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
