If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
