Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
