I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
