i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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