I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
