i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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