yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
