sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
