new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
