I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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