Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
