i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
