the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
