OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
