Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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