Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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