It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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