I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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