Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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