i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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