I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
