I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
