marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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