I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
