she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
