I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
