So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize