I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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