When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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