oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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