help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
