I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
