What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
