3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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