Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
