We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
