At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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