her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize