Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
