glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
