Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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