I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
