how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
