How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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