I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
