GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize